Friday, 9 May 2014

Watch out its the FBI

Well, it has been a little while, sorry about that. *grins and ducks head* but life has kept me uberbusy. I've been working away on social media and doing all the weird government stuff. But here I am again. Hello!

A while back we were hosting a family gathering at the 'summer getaway' so my brother, sister, dad and the respective families all came out with me to have a good old fashioned bbq. As they drove in and parked in a semi circle surrounding my trailer, I noticed that everyone drives black suv type vehicles. Keep in mind I'm not a car girl - if it has a hatchback to me that is suvesque. Wow, word creation is on high today. Normally I wouldn't have paid attention to something like this, but on this day everyone arrived together. A string of black cars. Anyways, it looked like the FBI (or some other nefarious government organization) was coming to see me. All these big black vehicles surrounding my little red car.

If anything has ever made me feel like an outcast in my own family it was that moment. The second I looked and went, 'huh.' Am I an alien? or adopted? (if only we weren't spitting images of each other I would wonder that) or maybe I was dropped on my head a lot? It was a "one of these things is not like the others" epiphany. Don't misunderstand, I love my family. I'm just different from them.

Individually we match some bits and bobs, like my little brother (who tops my height by a foot- not that that's hard but it makes him being my 'little' brother sound odd.) and I are both geeks, my kid sister and I like to drink together(that doesn't sound good - how about we like to party together. That's better) My Dad and I, we both like him fixing my car and have the same morbid sense of humour. My big brother and I used to like to hang out (since he moved away not so much) but we both hate the phone so I guess that's why we don't talk very much. My baby sister (yes - there's a lot of us) and I are both into the same movies. My bio Dad and I have the same taste in people. We like and dislike the same type of people. What I am saying is that while we have some stuff in common, others, well night and day are more alike.

I've thought a lot about this. My siblings rile me a lot, and I them. We are very individual individuals. We give each other more crap than enemies, but we also give support. Sometimes silent, sometimes verbal. But always there in one way or another.

I also had a conversation about fitting in with my kid sister, and she told me she feels like the outcast. We all have very dark skin and don't need to wear sunscreen and we look like mirror images of one another. Except her. She burns if the sun even thinks about reflecting on her and while she looks like she's related to us, she doesn't pass as twins like the rest of us do. So she has her own insecurities about fitting in. The same way I do. That opened my eyes that maybe more people are insecure about whether they are 'part' of the group than we know about. I would never have guess that she felt that way, she's always been the center of the action, to me the one that fit in the best.

So even if you are the one green cat tossed in amongst a family of calico's - you can still fit in. You can still be a part of the unit. You may not have a lot in common with one another - but you have a shared history, a conjoined sense of responsibility and love that can not be found anywhere else. No one will understand you like family. At least in my humble experience.

I've thought about trying to fit in better - not dying my hair, or buying a boring black car. I really thought about it. Then I threw that thought away. I wouldn't be me without fire engine red hair and car, without my odd make up and off the wall thoughts and 'gloria' moments. And in my own weird way I do fit in.

So if you see a whole slew of black suv's followed by one lonely little red car. It's not the FBI, its just my family and I'm the one in the red and proud of it.

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