Wednesday, 7 January 2015

Crazy life.

Wow, it's been a crazy ride for me. Today is the seventh day of 2015. On the second my grandpa died as a result of a car accident. Grandpa was older, he'd be near 90, but he wasn't sick. It was a sudden death. I hadn't seen him for a number of years, since life had gotten in the way. I have so many memories of him from when I was a child. Good memories that only serve to sadden me now.

My father, who lives with me, was rushed to the hospital on the fourth. He had a liver transplant five years ago and now has a blood infection and liver stones, surgery is scheduled for today.

Last night on the sixth, my aunt passed away. We hadn't heard about her being sick until about two weeks ago and then it just progressed from there. My aunt was always smiling and laughing, it's unfathomable to me that she is gone.

Add to the above the fact that in nine days it's the anniversary of my mom's death - which is enough to normally put me in a state of depression.

I'm just in a state of shock. What the hell is going on in my life? I know it's not about me, but I do wonder what I did to end up with this as my 'new, fresh start'- Was I too happy? Too proud? Too comfortable? What? I guess today is my day to be angry. To not understand. To wonder why.

I'm not writing this post looking for sympathy. The one thing everything has made me do is hug my family. Thing 1 and thing 2, even though they are teenagers, have been the recipients of my emotional fallout. Mr. Gloria is feeling smothered, I don't want to let any of them go. I want them within my sight at all times. But that's not how life works. I have to give them some space, even if it tears me apart.

The one thing I will leave you with is a reminder to hug your loved ones. I know that's been said a million times before, but it is true. Don't put off the visit, or phone call. Let them know how much they mean to you.

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