Thursday, 17 December 2015

I am a lucky woman.

I’ve come to a realization. I’m a lucky woman. I know it sounds weird to say out loud or think, but it is true. And what you may ask brought this epiphany to me? Pillows. That’s right. Pillows. Last night I crawled into bed incredibly late, back sore from hunching over the computer editing, and way later than I would have liked. As I crawled in I looked at the pillows on our bed, there are 6. (I know that’s a lot of pillows – but we do have a king sized bed and haven’t upgraded to king sized pillows yet) Anyhoo as I studied the pillows I realized there were 5 pillows on my side of the bed and only 1 on my hubby’s. He took the flattest pillow for himself and left the rest on my side so that I could be comfortable. Damn that man. I almost teared up. Over some god forsaken pillows. I’m not normally an overly emotional person (I have been called an emotional mute for my inability to cry at chick flicks) but this did it for me. I was standing there in the dark, looking at the pillows on my bed and that’s the moment I saw what a good man I had.

At my writers group earlier in the night we spoke about how different things would be without the support of our partners. What their negativity can do and how it affects us. Don’t get me wrong constructive criticism is one thing, and it is needed but support through those assessments is so important. We also discussed the creative brain and how it works differently from other mind sets. With artist brain we can so easily become lost in our own imagined failings and see them as indicators that we aren’t good enough. Or that we can’t be the person we want to be. I guess we are more sensitive, more prone to doubts. When we look a piece we’ve created, or written, we see the flaws. The errors, and forget to see the overall piece, the beauty. Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, that self-doubt can snowball into a pervasive feeling of failure. A lack of faith.

Believing in yourself is the most important thing, it took me a long time to realize that, but having someone support you unconditionally can help you to get to the point where your faith in yourself is where it needs to be. Mr. Gloria taught me about confidence and shored me up when I didn’t have it in myself. Together we make a pretty darn good team.

So, looking at the pillows got me to thinking, never a good thing at three in the morning let me tell you. But my brain, as always will do what it wants with little input from me. So I started thinking about all the little things Mr. Gloria does for me. He leaves a light on in the bedroom when he goes to sleep so that I don’t trip when I come to bed. He hugs me every day. Every single day. If I am gone somewhere overnight, he calls me just to say he misses me. When I get my migraines, he rubs my head and gets me ice packs and water, sitting with me to offer comfort. He’s worked at his job for the last twenty years. Not a job he hates by any means, but not his dream job that’s for sure. He works there day in and day out and tells me to live my dream. Stay home and write. He encourages me, and he supports me in all of my crazy schemes (except for crafting too much – he does put down his foot when my craft supplies start to take over the house) and he loves the cray cray artist that resides in me. He believed in me, when I didn’t believe in myself. And so many other things that writing them all down would be an impossible endeavor. Added to all that is the fact that he’s still the sexiest man I ever wanna see at the end of the day and we have magic together. We still laugh and talk and genuinely like each other.

So while I absolutely hate it when people tell me that “I lucked out” with my husband, children, career any of that; because to me, it’s not luck. I picked a great guy. I raised my kids to be great. And I worked really hard for my career. That’s not luck. That’s hard work and dedication and generally making the right choices. HOWEVER, last night I really looked at him and thought DAMN, I’m one lucky girl. Because not only did I make the right choice, I am also lucky.

In case anyone is feeling really bad I will say that he snores like a truck and purges lots of things that aren’t his just because he thinks we don’t need them anymore (like my makeup, and loaf pans, and a new deep fryer). He’s not perfect, but I’m lucky to call him, mine.

Now that I’ve made everyone uncomfortable with my love letter to my husband I will stop.

What does your significant other / family / friends do to let you know you’re special? Those in our lives are trying to show us with little, seemingly insignificant things that they love us, usually they tend to be tiny things that we won’t pay attention to, like the number of pillows on your side of the bed. Pay attention, I’m sure you’ll find them.

So anyone have any good ones? I’d love to hear them, maybe you could help melt my cold cold heart and allow this emotional mute to open up and cry.

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