Wednesday, 3 February 2016
A moment of joy before the crazy fills my life.
Today I am sitting in a coffee shop on my lunch break, contemplating the twists and turns that life gives. As a child I was fairly creative, in thought anyway. Most of my physical creative attempts were failed. I didn’t have that knack. I wanted to be able to draw and to make beautiful pieces of pottery, knitting what have you. I suffered from a severe lack of confidence. My mom was creative. Everything she touched turned to gold. She was the crafty-human version of Midas. Every time I started anything remotely artistic I would immediately be seized by doubts. I wasn’t as good as Mom was. As an adult I’ve come to terms with that fact. I am okay with it. I have given up trying to compete with the memory of an artistic person. I only craft or create things that Mom never did, that way I’m not tempted to have an unwinnable contest with the memory of my fantastic mother.
And that being said I like to think that I have found my creative outlet. The passion that I feel while writing fills me with joy. I have other creative outlets as well, I love doing makeup (especially special effects makeup) which is something my mother never did.
There was a time when I worried that I would never be able to release the demons that lurked within me, forcing me to constantly question and wonder. What if? How come? If only… Why did this happen? These questions were my constant companion. My brain always came up with scenarios. I would lie in bed for hours coming up with stories and waking dreams. I honestly believe innately creative people are wired differently. I know I’ve quite often gotten the look that says ‘did you just ask that?’
I don’t think that I am the best writer, or even a phenomenal writer. I am me. I tell the stories that come to me the way they come to me. I love doing it. I love the struggle to find the words, the joy in a beautiful sentence. I find bliss within the worlds that I create. While I have always written, I never expected others to find my worlds as fascinating as I do. I never would have expected to be recognized for being a writer, for publishers to like my ‘voice’.
I am so filled with gratitude and pride. The fact that others enjoy my words, want to read them, can relate to my characters or even my blog makes me swell with joy.
And while it may sound trite, I appreciate everything. Every positive thought and word. Every smile and nod. As over the next few weeks my blog may be coated in promotional posts I can only ask that you share the word.